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Sunday, 27 January 2008

I'm bringing Xanga back - drop a comment if you're with me! (havent signed in xanga in like a year!!)

Monday, 07 May 2007

Love

alright i thought i should post this in here because it was the most compassionate words i have ever heard in my life.

So i work at the movies right..and i saw this women who was wearing cute heels a nice complimenting tanktop..and pretty large breasts..basically a very attractive sexy women. so i see this lady and she caught my eye because she was in a hurry (practically running) and then she randomly stops and says "come on babe" and i see a gentlemen just watching her...so i assume she was tlaking to him..and a few moments later he goes.."im just watching.." shes like babe come on i dont wanna miss the movie." and he says again "i'm just watching.... im just watching the most beautifullest women ive known and seen in my life...who is my wife" and she walks to him and they kiss. i could not believe what i had heard. because they were in their thirties and they look so thankful for each other...it was wonderful... i couldnt stop thinking about it becaue it was so beautiful to watch love like thta. can i have that one day? i wonder if someone could ever tell me something even close to that. but anyways it was something i will never forget.

Tuesday, 10 April 2007

Bad Day

hmmm how do i start something so sad?

Basically today (day after easter) we were supposed to have a nice dinner and celebrate together because we all went to our other families house to celebrate the day of Easter. we had our wonderful delicious dinner and decorated eggs. and then towards the end of dinner we are being our silly selfs laughing at jokes and stories and for some reason talking about the "bases" because apparently my sister never understood that or even what "i got purple i got grapes" was. then it haopened. my mom is ready to take me to practice driving and Scott (my step dad) says what car are you gonna take cuz you arent takin the Honda! and my moms like yeah she aint gonna drive the truck. and he goes well she doesnt even have a job yet. Then he fuckin says that its not insured and my moms like"its not insured" and hhe starts sayin yeah so you are not suppose to drive it and hhen starts bring up more shit of why we cant drive the car likes is not in our name yet and it needs to still be register and my mom is like "what, i thought that was already handled" and shes says" well we are just gonna be in the church parking klots and that nothings going on there///and then he still says no then he says what has she done? she cant drive until she has ajob. them y moms like how is she suppose to get to workif she cant drive? and hes like she needs to be more responsible and get a job to show she deserves to get a car and drive "because drving is a privelidge" and all this other bullshit and im yelling back like what the hellld o ou mean i havent done anything? and he starts to bring up band that i was souppose to end band and i yell" IM GOING TO BE DOING BAND FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!"

and he starts bringing upi grades and that im not showin any effort an di need to try harder, and be responisble...and im like i have been looking for a job and sayys what three? and i start getting more mad saying that you dont know what i have done and hes like exactly xcuz you dont show me. and he just brings up that you were lucky for us to bring youback to independence andthis is how you repay us? and im thinkin WOW you really want me to be unhappy at gunderson and he starts to say more shit the=at i fuckin never do anything and im start throwin his face that he is never home as well and thathes the one who needs to be resonsible and that why is he yelling at me! and what have i done to get yelled at? we keep gpoin on and he says well if you are so damn responsible you can just get a job and not go to school and pay for your car yourself and do it on your own like i did. you can just do it the hard way then! and im like you are supposed to help me and he starts to fuckin walk away and i said you are here so you can prevent that from happening. you make itlike you dontwant tohelp like you dont care. and hes like you think i dont care about you?! and i say no its that you make it seeem like you hVAE to work two jobs just because of us. and that you dont want to . and he says if you think i care about you guys you can just get out of my house...

so i called my best friend vanessa and she came and picked me up and i left. i went to her house and vented and let it all out. so we eat and theni get a phone calland its my mom saying that shes comin to get me and that i should have never went to her housee because she did know vanessa came and picked mme up but she thought i wasn just gonna be around and not go to her house. so she was mad that i was there but then said i could stay the nught but then i get a phone call at 1045 of my mom sayin shes gonna pick me up. and im like wha now? why so late? and she said cuz i took advantage of her, and this and that. and so she goes so we are gonna go pick you up cuz you shoud be home. and im like whose we? and she says scott and i, and im like ok well i was just sleepin i wasnt doing anything wrong..shes like we will get you in twenty minutes
and so she comes and im still in a pissed off move hwer i REALLY dont want to be in the car with them. so i get in the car and its starts the lecture
they start telling me that all they want is my grades to be up and thatthey want me to be responsible and have a part time job so i can buy my own things and pay for my own extra curricullar activities then they bring up about joining SJSU marching band and that i cant do it unless i show im responsible to pay for it myself and that i can keep my grades. so im frustrated on the fact that i cant be happy and just do it. and then they start to talk about that once im 18 i wont have a curfew and that ican do what i want as long as im livng under their roof im gona have rules laid down and to follow them. and that all they ask is that i show good grades. and all that. and stilll i say nothing...not one word...not a single word comes out of my mouth. and they said we hope its not going in one ear and out the other. and that they love me and do care about me and thats why they lay these things down on me. not because they want to be harshor mean. and that they think they are not. and that they dont want me to go through it hard and that i could talk to them and blah blah blah....i was listeing dont tihnk i was not it was just that u had nothing to say but one thing.....one thing that i love but feel that is not neccessary to love anymore..

music...its music. iono how but its my music me music love music. I LOVE MUSIC! i may not be the best at it but i sure know i love it. love it enough to go thtrough a struggle to wake up 530 in the morning to catch and hour long bus ride by 7 am...its all a struggle, but in my eyes it is definately worth it. but is it? can i pursue this love for music? is it something so worth while that i have to always be performing in a band to live another day? the answer is yes! i love it to much! i walways will!. and it hurts o know that because my family does not understand. my uncle told me the other day thats itsover. and i need to grow up. and realise i is over. and to get over it. and im thinking no it cannever be over. but now that collage is around...do i really want to go to a school that is far away with music? or somewhere close and less of a struggle?thats whats on my mind. is it worth it..you know the answer HELL YEAH IIS STILL WORTH IT! and it always will be. but my education can i endure in it? will i be successful to the fullest if i was to drive out of town to a collage that has music?. i want to Oh God do i want tooi. but i have this awful feeling that this time it is not the way to go. and everyone tells me that..and i dont want it to end. performing is what im best at. i love it i truley love music. and i need it. it is importnt and in my eyes it can be more important then my education. and unfortunately that cannot work in my life. and there is no one that can support me in that...i hate to know i am wrong. that music is not top prioority.

what do i do? do i give it up? try a new life withut music in which i am so afraid of? should i beresponsible and take education as top? God please guide me the right way so that i am hapy...satisfied...with my family satisfied as well...but then again i could careless as long as i am happy with what im doing and i am successful at it. i have no iea what to do..but music is definately unfortunalte the key factor my life, and how i am going to deal with my problems? thi sis only a small part of what is going on i still have friends , ad cousins and babies and guy, and school , and court problems...what do i do? so difficult i hope everything resolves soon!

Mellanie Trujillo haiving a bad day blog

(this was definately the top 20 worse day i have had in my life)
Bad Day

hmmm how do i start something so sad?

Basically today (day after easter) we were supposed to have a nice dinner and celebrate together because we all went to our other families house to celebrate the day of Easter. we had our wonderful delicious dinner and decorated eggs. and then towards the end of dinner we are being our silly selfs laughing at jokes and stories and for some reason talking about the "bases" because apparently my sister never understood that or even what "i got purple i got grapes" was. then it haopened. my mom is ready to take me to practice driving and Scott (my step dad) says what car are you gonna take cuz you arent takin the Honda! and my moms like yeah she aint gonna drive the truck. and he goes well she doesnt even have a job yet. Then he fuckin says that its not insured and my moms like"its not insured" and hhe starts sayin yeah so you are not suppose to drive it and hhen starts bring up more shit of why we cant drive the car likes is not in our name yet and it needs to still be register and my mom is like "what, i thought that was already handled" and shes says" well we are just gonna be in the church parking klots and that nothings going on there///and then he still says no then he says what has she done? she cant drive until she has ajob. them y moms like how is she suppose to get to workif she cant drive? and hes like she needs to be more responsible and get a job to show she deserves to get a car and drive "because drving is a privelidge" and all this other bullshit and im yelling back like what the hellld o ou mean i havent done anything? and he starts to bring up band that i was souppose to end band and i yell" IM GOING TO BE DOING BAND FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!"

and he starts bringing upi grades and that im not showin any effort an di need to try harder, and be responisble...and im like i have been looking for a job and sayys what three? and i start getting more mad saying that you dont know what i have done and hes like exactly xcuz you dont show me. and he just brings up that you were lucky for us to bring youback to independence andthis is how you repay us? and im thinkin WOW you really want me to be unhappy at gunderson and he starts to say more shit the=at i fuckin never do anything and im start throwin his face that he is never home as well and thathes the one who needs to be resonsible and that why is he yelling at me! and what have i done to get yelled at? we keep gpoin on and he says well if you are so damn responsible you can just get a job and not go to school and pay for your car yourself and do it on your own like i did. you can just do it the hard way then! and im like you are supposed to help me and he starts to fuckin walk away and i said you are here so you can prevent that from happening. you make itlike you dontwant tohelp like you dont care. and hes like you think i dont care about you?! and i say no its that you make it seeem like you hVAE to work two jobs just because of us. and that you dont want to . and he says if you think i care about you guys you can just get out of my house...

so i called my best friend vanessa and she came and picked me up and i left. i went to her house and vented and let it all out. so we eat and theni get a phone calland its my mom saying that shes comin to get me and that i should have never went to her housee because she did know vanessa came and picked mme up but she thought i wasn just gonna be around and not go to her house. so she was mad that i was there but then said i could stay the nught but then i get a phone call at 1045 of my mom sayin shes gonna pick me up. and im like wha now? why so late? and she said cuz i took advantage of her, and this and that. and so she goes so we are gonna go pick you up cuz you shoud be home. and im like whose we? and she says scott and i, and im like ok well i was just sleepin i wasnt doing anything wrong..shes like we will get you in twenty minutes
and so she comes and im still in a pissed off move hwer i REALLY dont want to be in the car with them. so i get in the car and its starts the lecture
they start telling me that all they want is my grades to be up and thatthey want me to be responsible and have a part time job so i can buy my own things and pay for my own extra curricullar activities then they bring up about joining SJSU marching band and that i cant do it unless i show im responsible to pay for it myself and that i can keep my grades. so im frustrated on the fact that i cant be happy and just do it. and then they start to talk about that once im 18 i wont have a curfew and that ican do what i want as long as im livng under their roof im gona have rules laid down and to follow them. and that all they ask is that i show good grades. and all that. and stilll i say nothing...not one word...not a single word comes out of my mouth. and they said we hope its not going in one ear and out the other. and that they love me and do care about me and thats why they lay these things down on me. not because they want to be harshor mean. and that they think they are not. and that they dont want me to go through it hard and that i could talk to them and blah blah blah....i was listeing dont tihnk i was not it was just that u had nothing to say but one thing.....one thing that i love but feel that is not neccessary to love anymore..

music...its music. iono how but its my music me music love music. I LOVE MUSIC! i may not be the best at it but i sure know i love it. love it enough to go thtrough a struggle to wake up 530 in the morning to catch and hour long bus ride by 7 am...its all a struggle, but in my eyes it is definately worth it. but is it? can i pursue this love for music? is it something so worth while that i have to always be performing in a band to live another day? the answer is yes! i love it to much! i walways will!. and it hurts o know that because my family does not understand. my uncle told me the other day thats itsover. and i need to grow up. and realise i is over. and to get over it. and im thinking no it cannever be over. but now that collage is around...do i really want to go to a school that is far away with music? or somewhere close and less of a struggle?thats whats on my mind. is it worth it..you know the answer HELL YEAH IIS STILL WORTH IT! and it always will be. but my education can i endure in it? will i be successful to the fullest if i was to drive out of town to a collage that has music?. i want to Oh God do i want tooi. but i have this awful feeling that this time it is not the way to go. and everyone tells me that..and i dont want it to end. performing is what im best at. i love it i truley love music. and i need it. it is importnt and in my eyes it can be more important then my education. and unfortunately that cannot work in my life. and there is no one that can support me in that...i hate to know i am wrong. that music is not top prioority.

what do i do? do i give it up? try a new life withut music in which i am so afraid of? should i beresponsible and take education as top? God please guide me the right way so that i am hapy...satisfied...with my family satisfied as well...but then again i could careless as long as i am happy with what im doing and i am successful at it. i have no iea what to do..but music is definately unfortunalte the key factor my life, and how i am going to deal with my problems? thi sis only a small part of what is going on i still have friends , ad cousins and babies and guy, and school , and court problems...what do i do? so difficult i hope everything resolves soon!

Mellanie Trujillo haiving a bad day blog

(this was definately the top 20 worse day i have had in my life)

Monday, 19 February 2007

. . .

I have been thinking a great amount lately. I came to realize that I really do want love. I have notice that this vacation has been unbearable only simply because I am, lonely. I feel I have nothing to look forward to, but play music. When I wake up I feel obligated to call friends that day to know what's "crackin" that night. When I get dressed I dont want to put make-up on or where some nice heels, and make sure my ass looks nice in certain jeans. I want someone to know and see the real Mellanie (wow this fonts looks beautiful). When I go to parties I ask myself do I really want to meet a guy here? I wonder if even one percent of the guys there are not looking to get laid that night. I protect myself from letting it happen. I feel that I dont look approachable. I know I look the part of a party girl, but deep inside I would rather stay home watching movies with someone I care for. I want to have a reason to stay home and not have to party or go searching for a number, in which leads to guys wanting to get laid. In my eyes partying is a way to make one night stands and hope for the next day to forget about that night. Why can't I give them a chance too prove me wrong? I do not know. I did meet someone who I have an attraction for, but I do get shy. It surprises me when I act shy. It's uncomfortable for me.
Earlier in this entry, I thought I would have much more to type, but I am done for the night. I hope the week gets better, I shall meet this guy I am crushing on. I will say hello and try to start something to at least know I gave it a shot. Will I actually do it? I do doubt it, but I extremely hope so.
Mellanie Linda Marie Trujillo